When will @instagram and @Snapchat learn that vertical video is highly offensive?Thursday, Jun 21, 2018 2:04 pm

You can pretty accurately tell if someone has a purpose in life by how fast they walk.Friday, Jun 23, 2017 1:12 pm

"Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life." https://t.co/l8O65JGdah @tferrissTuesday, Jun 13, 2017 9:01 pm

Too bad @pepsi couldn't keep it real, like @CocaCola did one time. https://t.co/rqz4E0kseLThursday, Apr 06, 2017 10:00 pm

@RubinReport how dare you impose a culturally sanctioned "good" morning on me. This morning chooses to identify as fantastic.Tuesday, Mar 14, 2017 9:38 am